9/30/2007
i dont know how to tell you, really.been reflecting alot today.i thought about how when i was in the hospital and i was cryingcos it hurt so badand mommy cried along with meand i stopped crying cos i didnt want to see her cry.and i thought abouthow mommy bought us the bags yesterdayand i thought about how kirandeep is always so nice to mebut she can really be a bitchand im trying my hardest to be nice to hereven though she really pushes itand i thought abouthow good things were last yearwe were this oh so happy cliqueand now we're so broken.we hardly talkmaybe those half smiles here and therei want those times back.and i thought abouthow my actions made it this wayif i didnt do this; it wouldnt have happenedif i did this; it wouldnt have happenedand i wondered, what if?so i figured, everything happens for a reason.i should be studying.really.but today, i give upim at a loss as to what to do.i cant put my finger on to whatneither do i want toi dont knowi dont knowi dont knowmaybe i just dont want to answer the questionmaybe all that is needed is a breaka trip to the beach?a walk on the sand? playing with the water?running around like an idiot?sitting down and just listening to sea?feeling the peace and serenity around?sitting by the pavement, looking at the cars going by?standing with arms out, feeling the wind around me?maybe all i want isand for once, to be alone.where's the teran i know?so much has happened this year.its scary to think how someone can change so much.but yet all this petty little things are nothingnothing compared to everyone else.really gotta stop over-reacting.
swing swing ;
7:40 PM;
